Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
