I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
