Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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