I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
