We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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