Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
