1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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