margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
