I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
