Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
