It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
