I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
