see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
