Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
