What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
