We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
