Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
