My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
