Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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