i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize