turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
