I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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