1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
