Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
