if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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