the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
