Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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