and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
