Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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