I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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