What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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