are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize