id be glad to
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
