I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
