32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
