At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize