We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So apparently I’m into choking now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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