Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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