non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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