Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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