dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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