$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
