Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize