The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
