Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
