She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
3pm strippers are depressing
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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