also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there's paper in my vomit.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
