So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
