I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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