6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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