Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
