I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
