if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize