I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
