kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
