The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize