how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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