The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
