yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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