Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
