i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
