I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
