her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
